Dressed and Ready

How do you talk to someone who hurt you when you want them to stay family and yet they simply do not keep their word and omit that fact from any conversation as they smile and tell you they love you every day? I suppose you get busy with life and seldom see them and ignore the hurt whenever you do see them. So I am sitting here dressed and ready to head out to lunch with Jackson and wondering if I will be able to not mention any of the depressing reality stressing me out to the point where it is interferring with sleep and probably causing some nightmares about abuse. I so rarely remember dreaming, but lately have been awakened by nightmares a few times and that simply sucks. I must delve into it and resolve issues and process information differently so my mind stops that. Moving on and letting go, yes, that is part of it. Finding another job will allow me to do that. Obviously that is one reason I am not looking for a job. The bottom line is that I do not want to move on and let go, I want to believe in Jackson and believe she will follow through on her promises. So I am dressed and ready to go to that party and just waiting for her to start. Until then, I'll go to lunch, her treat, and talk about anything she wants to talk about. Family.