In Case It Matters To You

Yes, I am fine and you can find all the years are marked in time in blogs and so much more (and more) as they pass (the last eight) and you can go back even further and even back further still and if you look for it you can find history almost to the very beginnings of what we might call me (who me?) and that (and this) is just the fraction of the writings that have made it online, I mean, in case it matters to you (Get it, in case it matters to you). Yes, I know, there is a lot and today there is still more and that just scratches the surface of this life in words and images and video and music and bullsugar you can find on the web. From brief philosophy to news of the world to songs you never heard to wordz from who knows where the fundamental truth is self-evident for anyone to find and I'll repeat in case you wonder or have any concern that I am fine in case you think I've lost my mind.

A Message for a BFF

I was really disappointed that we did not get together to share either of our birthdays the way I thought we used to, but maybe my memory is skewed by rose colored glasses and we were never as close as I wanted us to be. Still you said all the right words that we would be best friends forever and what do best friends do if not get together on their birthdays to celebrate being alive in this world. I need to say that I am sad we drifted apart so quickly.

Though it was not private or a dinner, not a special time just for the two of us, I was looking forward to seeing you at the fields before or after your game and I went off my budget and bought you a Happy Birthday balloon as a surprise in the dugout with a dancing Snoopy card (Pooh is there in spirit too) and a cupcake (your favorite chocolate peanut butter caramel). I am eating the cupcake and the balloon sits deflating in the car, kind of like my heart.

I know you work late hours and the work you do is precious and you have very little time for yourself so I do understand you not having time for me or us but I still want a moment to remind you.

I still celebrate your birthday and every day I knew you here and now in these words (and with the cupcake) cuz I love you and shout yay that you're alive. I don't want you to feel guilty, even though I know you will (stop that). You know better than anyone, I just want to be real.

I want you to know I meant the words I said. You will always be my family whenever you may need me and if you ever want to talk, be serious or serious, happy or sad, work or play or just celebrate life, or just share a moment of reassurance that you are loved and worth a lot, I will be here.

The cupcake was really good :)

Love us :)

Days Go By

Time is such a relative measure in this life, especially when there is high stress or when life is busy. Sometimes it has profound meaning. Sometimes it is the most meaningless concept I can imagine. Babbling seems to speed it up. Waiting seems to slow it down. Paying attention sometimes seems to slow it down as well and not paying attention seems to do the opposite, but logic suggests time itself does not move at different speeds in our normal daily lives. Maybe it has something to do with whether we take it personally or not. Let's get personal for a moment. It has been five months since I stopped working (and it feels like an eternity), six months since Happiness left our lives (and it feels like only yesterday) and four months since Jackson broke the news that she was moving in with Brandi (and it feels like much less time has passed), four months since I paused writing in the daily blog (e)thereal that I filled with almost seven thousand entries over the previous almost eight years, just thirty-one days since I moved into this unfinished room (and it seems like I've been here forever), almost two weeks since I've seen Jackson (and it seems like much longer), and forty-two days since I began writing in the current two-step dance (daily blog set) In Case It Matters and Dirt, Drama, and Details and both have almost fifty entries in what seems like a blink of an eye.

Why do we keep track of time, anyway? lol sigh :)

Losing Interest in FB

It was fun for a while as I was creating pages as repositories for lots of the things I was finding and reading, but I am losing interest in Facebook now that most of the pages are blocked because my account was blocked because I have been known on Facebook by an online name since I got there. Most of my thousands of friends are gone as I don't have time to find them all and send them individual messages explaining who I am and why the account was blocked. Many do not allow contact from strangers so poof, I disappeared overnight. The pages I was creating (with others, so maybe they will keep a few going) were in their infancy but they were inspiring, reflecting, nocturnal, stimulating, amusing, and musical, stuff. I also collected articles and videos about life, social, national, awful, questionable, political, religious and various other topics I thought worth saving and sharing. In my odd way I was trying to help us survive Bugs Webbot was my Facebook name for almost ten years. Thousands of people, communications, posts, and personal and fun photos others tagged me in are out of reach now. It feels like a violation of privacy and very unfair. Ideas are welcome. So are friends, old and new.

Trust the Internet

Ridiculous, but we do it. Bloggers load their words and images and art and crafts and hopes and dreams on to the web and a simple server crash could erase them forever. Give your photos and music to Instagram, Flickr, DeviantArt, Soundcloud and you give them to others. Even your personal websites are sitting on someone else's computer. The Cloud is just someone else's hard drive. Facebook can block or delete everything you put on their site because it is their site, not yours. MySpace did it to millions and like lemmings they migrated to Facebook as if it could never happen again. here is an example of ten years of words and pictures, an internet person's life, simply erased by Facebook. It should be a crime akin to psychic murder, but Corporations are People, not us. Welcome to the brave new world.